So, I'm having some issues. We've had yet another rash of thefts from our CD collection here at the library. As was previously noted, I tend to get a tad bit upset about this. So instead of whining about it (I know, miracle, right?!) I've been creating a list of possible threats instead.
Threat #1: You mess with my CD's...I mess with you.
Threat #2: You take my CD's...I break every last one of your fingers.
Threat #3: You steal CD's...I torture you needlessly until you give them back.
Threat #4: You take multiple CD's...I take one finger for everyone stolen.
Threat #5: You steal CD's from me...I pin you up outside our building and let all the taxpayers of Hiawatha throw as many water balloons at you as they wish.
Threat #6: You "accidentally" wind up with CD's that are not checked out...I "accidentally" remove your fingernails...with pliers.
Threat #7: You lift CD's and I catch you...you've just bought yourself a one-way ticket to shelf-reading the entire library...until you're blind.
Threat #8: You mess with the CD collection...I'll see to it that you and the Hiawatha Police Department become very closely acquainted.
Threat #9: You take CD's...and I send the library mafia after you...let me just put it this way...you thought Al Capone was bad, he's got nothin' on these ladies.
Threat #10: Finally, you should know that I am not above death and dismemberment.
No comments:
Post a Comment